From a zoomed-out lens, life is good. I have healthy kids, a loving partner, and a fulfilling career with a good work/life balance. I am in good physical and cognitive health with strength that still gets me up Colorado fourteeners and a mind that can learn new things (currently it’s the ukulele). These are good things, and yet, zooming in, there lies a lingering undercurrent of unease.
Going to bed too late and waking up tired, having days fly by without notice, and feeling more distant from life, found me questioning, “What is this about?”
We don’t need research to be convinced that people of all ages spend significant amounts of time on their smartphones, even in the presence of others. Think about the last time you had a meal without a phone present at the table (even if it was turned upside down). Or the last time you sat in a restaurant and observed others on their phone sitting across the table from someone else also using their phone. We attend social gatherings where guests are checking their phones and even checking phones mid-conversation (which is called phubbing, a term coined to capture the combination of using your phone while also essentially snubbing the person to whom you are speaking).
What I came to learn is how my smartphone use contributed to life disengagement and interrupted my ability to connect to myself and others. The time I spent scrolling Facebook and YouTube shorts to see into the lives of others, although entertaining and momentarily connecting, was taking a toll. I was disconnected from my real life and missing the lives of those I love most, while also not engaging in present-day life to enjoy all its goodness.
According to a 2023 Pew research study, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube and Instagram are among the most heavily used smartphone apps among adults. Similarly, studies also show that adolescents report being online “almost constantly.” Smartphone apps demand our attention and are so powerful that a tenth of a second vibration in our pocket is enough to make us grab our phones to check, mid-conversation. Our devices are always calling us, even when silently nearby.
Regardless of how your smartphone calls you, in the presence of others, the message is all the same. “You are not as important as the update on my phone.” Now more than ever, it’s easy to see into the lives of other people, but it begs the question: What is the quality of our scroll compared to our sense of connection? To be seen and connected requires attention, presence, and a type of synchronous engagement that smartphone apps cannot replicate.
Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation talks about the social lives of young people. The book cites a 2014 survey in which 62% of children reported their parents were “often distracted,” primarily by cell phones, when the child tried to talk with them. This is supported by a 2020 Pew Research study that found 68% of parents saying they sometimes or often felt distracted by their phone, even when spending time with their children. Whether a smartphone is visible and nearby, or someone explicitly checks their phone, the quality and intimacy of that interaction decreases. This was becoming true in my household, and I wonder how many others can relate.
As we enter a new year, consider stopping the scroll. To decrease the techno-ference here are some places to start:
Rearrange apps on your device. In a different location, you must go ‘”looking” for the app, bringing awareness to the action and creating space to choose with intention. Perhaps you’d rather be doing something else at that moment?
Try an “app fast.” Designate a month to re-set and avoid using any social media apps. “App free April” or “NoScroll November,” anyone?
Create phone-free zones at home, such as the bedroom or dining room, or when interacting with your family or guests.
Designate a “home” for your smartphone, away from central activities and not visible to you or others.
Turn off non-essential phone notifications and create less opportunity for an attention grab.
Delete social media apps off your phone.
Plan periods of time in a day to turn off your phone, entirely allowing you to pay more attention to your surroundings.
Put your phone to bed. Try having your phone “sleep” somewhere other than your bedroom.
Plan a phone free game night, dinner, or outdoor outing.
For a deeper dive into these topics, check out How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price, The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, or the work of Dr. Jean Twenge, who has spent her career researching the impact of technology on our lives. For mental health support for anxiety, depression, or addiction related to this topic, reach out to the LiveWell EAP team to schedule an appointment with a counselor.
Photo credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash