Anyone who knows me knows I can be stubborn. The idea of reaching out for help can feel uncomfortable. I often think that if I ask for help, I sacrifice my own independence, or I shouldn’t bother others with my problems. In the meantime, I tend to fret over the issue or lose sleep over finding the right answer. I agonize over whether I am looking at the problem in the right way or if I am even on the right track. Some of you reading this might recognize the familiar feeling of feeling “stuck” and worrying if I waited too long to ask for help. 

Many people tend to put off asking for help, whether it’s with a work-related issue or dealing with larger mental health issues. There are plenty of reasons why people tend to do this.

• Fear of looking weak or incompetent: This is my biggest barrier. People worry that if they ask for help, they will be perceived as incapable of handling their own issues.
• Afraid to inconvenience someone: None of us wants to feel like a nuisance or a bother. We tend to underestimate others’ willingness to help.
• Ingrained ideas about asking for help: Many of us grew up hearing messages about “pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps” or “put on your big boy/girl pants and handle it.” While independence may have a time and place, so does asking for support or working with others to solve an issue. 

There are plenty of reasons why we hesitate to reach out for help. What can be even more difficult is to recognize when we need to ask for help. I can get in my own way when deciding whether I should ask for help. In those times, I try to remember a few important things:

1. Most people want to help: Rarely do our friends, family, or coworkers want to see you struggle. People want to help and provide support or point you in the right direction. Think back to a time when someone asked you for help. How did it feel? Typically, we feel good about supporting someone, especially if it improves their current situation.
2. Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, but rather of strength. It can be difficult to admit you might benefit from some additional support. Being strong enough to say you need help takes courage, and getting the help you need leads to better outcomes overall.
3. Asking for help might bring us closer to those around us: It wasn’t until I asked a friend for help seeking out a therapist did they confide that at one point, they, too, struggled with similar difficulties. We were able to share our experiences, provide support, and she even pointed me in the direction of someone she thought could help with my struggles. If I hadn’t asked for help, I wouldn’t have had the chance to find that common ground or starting point. 

Deciding when to ask for help can feel overwhelming. There is no one-size-fits-all answer that allows us to know when we should reach out for help. I typically know that when I begin to feel overwhelmed, become frustrated, or the stress of the situation is causing me to lose focus, it may be good to reach out and ask for support. It is important to take a moment and do a check-in with yourself about how you are feeling. 

While I still may be stubborn, I have learned that asking for help when I feel stressed or overwhelmed has helped me feel more connected to those around me and has improved my life in countless ways.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash