Writing thank-you notes is a custom that I have passed on to my children. I remember the task could be as painful as homework. The intended purpose was to teach them how to show their gratitude.

Young children are self-centered by nature. Teaching them to say thank you when they receive a gift or when receiving anything from another person is a way to build appreciation for others. As we get older, it becomes an automatic response. Being grateful for the gifts of others and the gift of the world is freeing. It can change our worldview. People who practice gratitude are happier and experience less stress.

How can we practice, foster, and develop gratitude in our day-to-day lives? Here are some suggestions:

1. Embracing an attitude of gratitude may require a mind shift, a change in the way we view the world. Amy Moran, author of 13 Habits Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, suggests replacing self-pity with gratitude. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, try to spot what went right. She uses the example of two people involved in a minor fender bender. The first person who looks at the damage is grateful that no one was hurt, and the damage is minor. The second person bemoans the damage and lost time with repairs, insurance company, and loss of the vehicle. Reframing a thought changes the intention of the thought from negative to affirming perspective. When I am in a hurry and get behind a slower car, I could get upset that they are in my way, or I can silently thank them for helping me to slow down and be more mindful of the moment.
2. Gratitude even extends to more difficult life situations and relationships. Kerry Howells, author of Untangling You, acknowledges that finding gratitude in resentment is difficult. We can find our thoughts staying in those resentful places. According to Howells, gratitude builds connections with others. It allows us to focus on the strengths of others, which in turn acknowledges our interdependence on one another. Continued gratitude reduces resentment. Holding onto resentment takes energy and is exhausting, while gratitude is freeing.
3. In his book, A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen notes that the awareness of how often we are critical of others gives us the ability to recognize the behavior and become more positive. People connect through sharing complaints, sometimes called a “social glue.” The more people connect over joint complaints, the more likely they rewire their brains to focus on negatives. Bowen encourages people to become mindful of how often they give criticism with “the bracelet challenge.” Place a bracelet or rubber band on one wrist. Each time we criticize, the bracelet moves to the other wrist. Complaining less opens one to silent space for positive interactions.  
4. Embracing gratitude takes practice. Elissa Epel, in The Stress Prescription, recommends daily practice. Practicing gratitude is the last step of her seven-day plan for reducing stress. She recommends starting or ending your day with a reflection of gratitude. Commonly, therapy sessions will begin by asking the patient to name good things about their week when they report having a good week. Many people will have to think about the good things because focusing on the good does not come naturally. Over time, it gets easier with practice.
5. Finally, find opportunities to offer praise. Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is a therapy used with families. In PCIT, the therapist helps parents learn a language that focuses on the positive things their children do while giving less attention to the negative. Parents learn to identify and reinforce those altruistic choices with labeled praise and guidance. Praising children reinforces their positive and skillful behavior by giving direct feedback. 

Most people appreciate praise and positive recognition from peers and superiors, while complaints and criticism sometimes seem more common. Changing our mindset to focus on the positive things people do and acknowledging them changes the tone of the environment—and it is contagious. Expressing gratitude changes our view of ourselves and our work. It helps us to focus on the things we do well and helps us be more willing to change the things we do not do well. It builds connections with the people around us. 

November, which is just a few weeks away, is the time of year when we focus on gratitude. I challenge you to embrace gratitude and notice how it creates affirmative change.

Photo Credit: Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash