Hiding in Plain Sight

     I remember sitting in my car, getting ready to walk into the office, my heart racing. It wasn’t the first time this happened. I had lost count of how many workdays started this way. As much as I wanted to claim I didn’t understand what was happening, I knew this flutter of morning panic was a signal my attempts to manage anxiety were failing. 

     I once had a supervisor and mentor ask me, “Who are you beyond the guy who has it all put together?” Part of me took pride in the feedback that I was unflappable, dependable, and a calming presence. Of course, I didn’t have it all together. I worried my attempts to keep growing work anxiety to myself were unsustainable. If my mask of composure fell, would others see me as less capable? Would they coddle me or simply refrain from challenging me? Would others question if I was equipped to be a leader? 

     These questions caused me to hide part of myself for a long time. Not just from people at work. Even though family and friends knew my job demands, no one knew how much I struggled with shame over perceived professional failures, fear of not being ready when others need me, and career uncertainty.

The case for vulnerability at work 

     Vulnerability refers to a choice we make to be honest about parts of ourselves that evoke shame, uncertainty, or inadequacy. These feelings produce fear that, if our fallibility is uncovered, we’ll be rejected. It’s no wonder vulnerability doesn’t come easily to most of us. Being vulnerable can feel like we are breaking the expectation contract that employers have of their employees, especially when we’re asked to be productive, reliable, and capable.

     Vulnerability can have many workplace benefits. Research on workplace psychology helps us understand that a “psychological safety climate” is crucial to effective workplaces. When employees feel their leaders truly value their psychological health, they are more productive, absent less often, and more engaged. Workplaces can’t achieve healthy psychological safety climate without vulnerability. Vulnerability is the key that unlocks employees’ ability to feel safe, particularly when colleagues and leadership support the risks they take to be vulnerable. 

     Take into consideration that Millennial and Gen Z employees are increasingly comfortable being honest about their personal and professional challenges and expect their leaders to model vulnerability as part of their work culture. Being vulnerable at work is not just a good idea, it’s a necessary skill to work effectively in today’s workplace. 

Finding Avenues to Vulnerability 

There are myriad ways to practice vulnerability. I don’t give a lot of advice in my work, so this is a “buffet:” Take what you want and leave what you don’t. 

1. Model the kind of vulnerability you hope others will share with you. If you want trusting relationships with colleagues, afford others trust first. If you want to be a leader who helps struggling staff, first admit when you’re struggling. 
2. Vulnerability isn’t just about bearing your soul and admitting struggles. It is also voicing unpopular opinions. It might involve bringing attention to a work culture that makes work-life difficult. It means talking to your supervisor about policies that don’t serve the mission of your office. 
3. Vulnerability is not a requirement. While much of this frames vulnerability as a personal gift and benefit to work cultures, it cannot be genuinely given without choice. 
4. Expectations around when and with whom to be vulnerable vary across cultures. In some, it is viewed as inappropriate to share personal details with colleagues. For others, the idea that one’s personhood would not be recognized at work would be culturally incongruent. Listen carefully and be curious about differences.
5. Be mindful of the boundary between sharing vulnerably and oversharing. While it’s difficult to know, consider if sharing all the details of a challenge is necessary. If vulnerability occurs within a power dynamic (e.g. a supervisor with a supervisee), consider how much choice the person with less power has to opt out. 

Vulnerability Experiments 

     I remember the first time I told someone about my pre-workday car panic. A trusted colleague was perceptive enough to notice that I was struggling. Opening up motivated me to be vulnerable with others. I became more purposeful in self-disclosing professional challenges to staff I supervised. I worked on being more honest with colleagues and setting limits when I became overwhelmed. I tried being vulnerable in a large meeting when I encountered professional struggles.

     Something surprising happened. Colleagues started coming to me more often for professional consultation. Staff opened up to me about hardships they were carrying. 

     Vulnerability has formed a circle in my life. Because I’ve been vulnerable, it’s allowed me to receive support, and it’s allowed others to be vulnerable with me. Vulnerability is not transactional, it’s connective. Vulnerability builds trust and safety and paves the way to genuine connection. 

     The beauty of vulnerability at work is that it’s helped me access something deeply unifying. Vulnerability has shepherded humanity into the formality of the workplace, allowing for us to be compassionate colleagues. It’s helped me discover the kind of culture I want to work in, and it’s helped me realize the kind of colleague and leader I want to be.

Cover image by LinkedIn.