Wednesday, October 16, 2024

     This school year marks a new season of my life. I am no longer a parent of a K-12 child. After 22 years, I’m officially an empty nester. Although I feel ready and excited, I’m also experiencing anxiety, sadness, and guilt.

      Recently, my Aunt Jane reminded me that beginnings and endings are hard; we flounder for a bit until we gain our footing. When floundering, we get lost or even stuck in all our difficult and uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.

     During these beginnings and endings, we can forget to practice self-compassion, giving ourselves the grace, kindness, and time needed to find our footing. (Yes, it takes practice, purposefully and repeatedly adding to our day until it becomes part of who we are and how we think.) As you experience the feelings that come with new adventures, I invite you to experience the power of practicing self-compassion.

What is Self-Compassion? 

     Self-compassion is treating yourself with kindness, care, and respect. It is the practice of being mindful of your feelings and taking action by showing yourself kindness and shared humanity, particularly when you are experiencing uncomfortable feelings such as failure, shame, inadequacy, or guilt.

      Self-compassion is a potent source of coping and resilience and greatly improves mental and physical well-being. Practicing self-compassion is shown to reduce anxiety and related depression. It helps you confront negative emotions, heal painful memories, and challenge negative beliefs.

     Self-compassion has three core components: mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity.

 1. Mindfulness

     Mindfulness is the first step of practicing self-compassion. To show care and kindness for someone in pain, we first need to know of their pain and where it comes from.

     Mindful self-compassion involves turning inward to acknowledge your pain and where it is coming from. It is observing your negative thoughts with openness and in a non-judgmental way, noticing feelings just as they are without denying or suppressing them.

2. Self-kindness

     Self-compassion requires the practice of self-kindness, the ability to be loving and understanding to oneself when we experience uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It requires us to acknowledge, rather than ignore our hurt, or punish ourselves with condemnation.

     Self-compassionate people recognize and accept they are imperfect and will experience failure, disappointment, and challenging times. Life doesn’t always go the way we might expect. When we fight against reality, suffering often increases in the form of stress, frustration, anxiety, and self-judgment.

     Instead of getting angry and hostile when life goes sideways, self-compassionate people are gentle and loving with themselves. Reality is accepted with empathy and tenderness, allowing us to move forward with composure and peace.

3. Common humanity

     As humans, we are mortal, vulnerable, and imperfect. Self-compassion recognizes that we are all connected in our imperfect ways – both our suffering and our joy. When we experience difficulties or painful feelings, we forget we are not the only person suffering or making mistakes – we are not alone.

     Self-compassionate people recognize that inadequacy and discomfort are part of a shared human experience. When practicing self-compassion, we relate personal experiences to others who are also suffering, putting our situation into a larger, more connected perspective and experience.  

 5 ways to bring self-compassion into your life 

1. Practice mindfulness

     Practice being aware of your thoughts, emotions, and actions in a nonjudgmental way withoutsuppressing or exaggerating them. This practice includes recognizing pain, where it comes from, and how it feels in your body. Mindfulness can be practiced during meditation or during a daily activity.

2. Care for your body

     Go for a walk. Exercise. Rest. Eat healthy. Massage your neck, arms, and feet. Take a shower or bath. Put on comfortable clothes. Caring for your physical body is a critical part of self-compassion.

 3. Journal

     Explore your thoughts and emotions through writing. Describe what is making you feel pain without blaming anyone, including yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and turn towardacceptance and tenderness.

4. Spend time with loved ones

     Setting aside time to be with people who can care for you and show you love and support can help reduce stress, increase happiness, and provide a sense of security.

 5. Positive self-talk. 

     Often, the best way to engage in positive self-talk is to first think of what you would say to a friend if they were experiencing something painful. Then, direct those same thoughts and sentiments toward yourself. Positive self-talk has been shown to encourage a growth mindset and reduce anxiety and stress.

 

Here’s to new adventures

     As I move into this new season of my life, I’m committed to staying curious, brave, vulnerable, honest, and being kind to myself. I’m committed to acknowledging my regrets and sitting with my discomfort while recognizing my life is full of promise and purpose.

     My hope is that you will show yourself this same grace and turn inward with love and acceptance as you move through the inevitable twists and turns of your life, both in the big adventures and small daily moments.

Cover image by Madison Lavern.