Fatigue is ubiquitous. I see it in students’ yawns as they relax into our conversations. It’s implicit in the many articles about sleep that the news scatters among event headlines. Fatigue is an inescapable truth divulged by my own bleary eyes nearly every weekday morning.

Perhaps you, too, find yourself on the sleepier side.

Perhaps you feel a more nuanced fatigue. Maybe there have been so many events and situations that require you to attend to others’ needs that it feels like you have nothing left to give. Maybe it seems like life will never stop asking you to give more and more of yourself. Maybe you’ve started to feel resentful of people who need you. And maybe you’ve understood this feeling as compassion fatigue.

If you’re nodding along, I believe you. I can relate. I’ve also learned the term compassion fatigue is a misnomer. I’ve learned that the term empathy fatigue is more accurate. I’ll tell you why, and I’ll share concrete ways to keep your cup filled.

Two summers ago, I participated in a 10-week course hosted by the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. This course taught me to question the concept of compassion fatigue. Experts on self-compassion do not believe in compassion fatigue! The most complete definition of compassion is that it is directed outward and inward: Compassion for others and self are both needed. The processes by which we decide where to direct compassion represent “loving actions.” With compassion flowing inward, in addition to outward, it becomes a renewable resource.

When we give of ourselves without mindfully considering who should receive this care, we are practicing empathy. Empathy has a depleting effect unless we balance it by choosing its direction. The most practical definition of compassion is empathy and loving action.

With this definition, we consider new ways to support and be in community with one another. Here are some ideas that support the practice of compassion and address/prevent empathy fatigue:

• Take short breaks (30 seconds to a minute) throughout the workday to check in with yourself.
  • Ask yourself, “What do I need?” We can always offer ourselves something.
  • Acknowledge to yourself, “This is a moment of __________,” whether it’s a moment of suffering, hardship, challenge, or confusion.
  • Consider how you would respond to a friend in your position and direct your response inward.
• Consider that your reactions to others often reflect your own needs and indicate that it’s time to redirect your compassion inward. Sometimes I find myself annoyed at the person at the front of a slow-moving line. Once I ask, “What do I need?”, I realize that my reaction has nothing to do with the person at the front of the line and everything to do with the fact that I’m tired, hungry, or feeling hurt by something that happened earlier that day.
• Treating others as you would treat yourself is not your primary challenge; it’s treating yourself as you would treat others.
• Practice imagining the history (e.g., the childhoods) of those around you. We have an easier time offering compassion, to others and ourselves, when we mentally humanize others.
• While interacting with others, offer yourself a supportive gesture that feels comforting, such as a hand on your heart or stroking your arm.

These practices have significant impact. Implementing these strategies has changed how I approach and sustain my work with clients and colleagues. These strategies help me remain present and acknowledge my emotional experiences as they happen during the workday, which in turn helps me leave the emotions of work, at work, when I go home.

There is no single “right way” to approach the practice of compassion. I tell clients, “Take it away, and make it yours!” I hope you’ll find a way to let the compassion flow both to others and to yourself.

You can learn more about self-compassion at self-compassion.org, which includes guided meditations and other exercises. This summary of the research on self-compassion includes an explanation of the six elements of self-compassion and a section that dispels common myths about self-compassion (e.g., that it makes you weak or is self-indulgent)

Photo Credit: Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash