Monday, October 7, 2024

     You’ve probably seen the U.S. surgeon general’s warning labels on cigarettes and alcohol detailing the health threats posed by smoking and drinking. Other recent warnings from the nation’s top physician shine the spotlight on hot-button concerns like the detrimental impacts of social media and the explosion of gun violence. 

     The most recent advisory is raising eyebrows: it warns of the hazards of parenting. The surgeon general cites a 2023 study indicating that 33% of parents report high levels of stress compared to 20% of non-parenting adults. Children can be challenging at times, but how has parenting pressure become concerning enough to draw the surgeon general’s attention? The reason is because this stress can cause or exacerbate parental mental health issues, and the negative impacts can trickle down to children Living with a parent or caregiver who has untreated mental illness is considered an adverse childhood experience (ACE), and ACEs can be linked to a lifetime of poor mental, physical, and behavioral outcomes for children.

Parenting can be incredibly meaningful and bring purpose to life, so what is causing parents so much stress?

     From the dangers of social media to a concerning plummet in young people’s mental health, parents are facing concerns that previous generations never imagined. There is a current “culture of comparison” that exacerbates stress by creating unrealistic expectations about parenting norms, achievements, and status. Filters, AI, and the pervasive and deliberate minimization of imperfections create a false sense of reality – it is challenging to admit the tears, tantrums, chaos, or the epic challenges of parenting. Some parents fear they won’t be able to provide the basics that their child needs to lead a happy and fulfilling life, like a safe neighborhood, stable housing, and educational opportunities. 

     Parenting stress disproportionately burdens certain groups of people. Those who experience social, political, and cultural marginalization, and interpersonal violence, poverty, and racism are at greater risk. Recent research sounds the alarm on maternal mental health: mood disorders impact approximately 1 of 8 new mothers with a disproportionate impact on women of color. The discrimination and stigma that LGBTQ+ people face makes them more likely to experience parenting stress. Single parents often struggle with financial concerns as well as limited social and caregiving support. Teen parents face a sharply increased risk of adverse mental health consequences due to stigma and lack of resources, and the derailment of their educational and career opportunities has lasting impacts that may never be overcome. Of note, biological parents are not the only ones struggling with their mental health. Many children are being raised by relatives, family friends, or foster families who are just as susceptible to caregiving stress.

     What can we do to stem the alarming uptick in parenting pressure? Most importantly, we need to recognize and normalize the challenges of being a parent through honest, open discussion and realistic portrayals in media and public venues. Transparency reduces the shame and guilt that isolates parents and can create a sense of defeat and hopelessness. We also need to increase the protective factors that strengthen caregiver mental health including the creation of strong multigenerational support networks, the development of community-based parenting education and connection initiatives, and by championing law and policy changes that invest in the health, education, and safety of all children.

What can parents do to curb stress?

  • Care for yourself so that you can care for your children. Prioritize sleep, exercise, and excursions outside of the home whenever possible—even if the excursion is only a leisurely trip to the mailbox and back.
  • Let go of the idea of being the “perfect parent.” There is no such thing.  Embrace blunders with humor and self-compassion. 
  • There is also no “perfect child.” Love your child unconditionally and remember that for every tear-soaked day, there will be a magical, memorable parenting adventure that will make up for it.  
  • Build connections with other parents and caregivers. Sharing tips, tricks, and stories will both humble you and provide the energy necessary to prepare for the next parenting challenge.
  • Resist the urge to fall down internet and social media rabbit holes of misguided information and airbrushed images. Trust reputable sources such as your pediatrician, your own parents or parental role models, and—most of all—yourself.
  • Although it can be fun to give your child the latest and greatest toy or electronic gadget, the greatest gift you can ever give them will be your time and your love. Their thank you might take the form of a sloppy kiss or (when they’re grown) a side-hug.
  • Recognize stress in its early stages and immediately seek support from family, friends, peers, or a mental healthcare provider.

“Ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, you weren’t allowed to quit, and people’s lives were at stake? That’s parenting.” – Unknown

University of Iowa resources that support healthy parents and parenting:

Cover image by Steven Van Loy.